State of the Union

    For those of you who know me, you know I am not a Liberal.  Even though I did not vote for Trump, I didn't vote for Cackle Britches, either.  I was glad she went down in defeat.  

"That's fine.  I'm used to going down."

    That said, I'm not a big fan of everything that Orange Jesus has done.  Mind you, I approve of most of his policies, though.

    The following was not written by me, but it's full of the "smartassery" for which I'm known (mostly over at Penwasser Place).  I certainly don't agree with all of the below.  But, I find ALL OF IT quite funny.  By and large, this nails the man's character.

    So, sit back and enjoy.  I just hope that you don't think he's a better writer than I.       

"Can I help you?  Losers."

Trump’s State of the Union Speech has been leaked!

My fellow Americans… wow. What a crowd. Incredible crowd. Some people are saying it’s the biggest State of the Union audience ever. Bigger than Abraham Lincoln, bigger than anybody. Twice the size of Obama’s. The ratings? Through the roof. They said it couldn’t be done, we did it anyway. We always do.

America is doing tremendously. The economy? Perfect. Absolutely perfect. So perfect economists are calling me, grown men, strong men, crying, saying, “Sir, please slow down the winning.” I said, “I can’t. The people need it.”

Gas prices? Basically free. Eggs? Beautiful eggs. Chickens have never been happier. Egg prices have dropped 500%, in some cases as much as 1,000%.

I alone solved inflation completely. Prices are so low people are being handed money at grocery stores. Cashiers saying please take it, sir, we have too much prosperity.

I’ve created 397 million jobs, maybe more. Nobody really knows because the numbers are too good.

Unemployment is now zero. Actually less than zero. Every job has been filled and some jobs have been filled two, five, ten times even. CEO’s are calling me telling me there’s nobody left to hire. We need the women to have more babies, beautiful Trump babies, for our future.

The stock market hit an all time high this morning, paused to salute me, and then went higher out of respect.

The border is so secure, migrants are even stopping to guard it themselves. They love America, and know that their kind just doesn’t belong in such a prosperous country, but they protect it because they love me. Everyone loves America again. Even countries that do not exist yet are calling to congratulate us.

World leaders call me nonstop. Yesterday a leader said “Sir, you have achieved peace everywhere.” I said I know. Even my enemies totally agree with me on everything now. Total unity. Nobody has ever united people like this. I’ve stopped a dozen wars, many say it may even be as high as 20 or 30.

Our proud boys in ICE are bringing peace and calmness to our cities like never before seen. Uniting our people and drawing crowds of, in some cases tens of thousands of supporters, cheering them on, paying tribute with signs, as they remove the criminals, thugs, rapists and drug dealers from our streets.

People come up to me and say, “Sir, how did you do it?” Very simple. Common sense. A lot of people don’t have it. Sad. But only I, alone, your favorite President could accomplish all of this.

And frankly, the fake news, terrible, vicious and nasty people, they won’t tell you this. They’re jealous. Total disaster over there. It’s a constant attack on me, your beloved President. I watched CNN last night, low ratings, very low energy. I almost felt bad. Almost.

I rebuilt the military, saved the suburbs, I also cured traffic. Nobody talks about it. Highways empty. Beautiful driving. Perfect parking everywhere. Parallel parking solved..

And next year? Even greater. I’m going to make America richer, stronger, healthier, thinner, taller, and possibly younger. Scientists are working on it. Tremendous scientists. I have the best scientists.

Thank you. God bless me and the United States of America, which, by the way, has never been better. Ever. And you owe it all to your favorite President, the greatest President in the history of our country, better than Washington and Lincoln combined, Donald J. Trump.

Sorry, not sorry. I don't care who you are, this is funny.

"GET HIM OUTTA HERE!"

Death To Somebody?

    My goodness, there is so much to write about.  It’s difficult to pick one subject upon which to pontificate.  But, choose I shall.  No sense disappointing the person out there who reads this blog.

    I mean, I could have chosen to discuss the kidnapping/disappearance/whatever of Nancy Guthrie.

    But, Fox News is all over that.

    Or, I could point out my feelings regarding the Epstein Files.  But, that’s been hashed out over and over.  So, instead, I’ll just do nothing about it and hope it goes away.  You know, like the Justice Department.

"That is so not true.  I plan on reading a strongly worded letter on 'Hannity'!"

    Actually, I considered the Supreme Court smackdown of President Trump’s tariff policy.  Yeah, that was tempting.  But, let’s give it a few days before launching into that little partisan drama.

    No, instead, I believe I’ll discuss that which could potentially kill thousands of people.  The dustup with Iran.

    Ostensibly meant as a show of support for the tens of thousands of their own people murdered by the mullahs, the United States has dispatched a considerable amount of military force to the Persian Gulf. 

 

Along with another carrier, USS Abraham Lincoln, USS Gerald R. Ford is on its way.

     Sidebar, your honor?  One of those forces is the aircraft carrier, USS Gerald R. Ford and her strike group.  Yes, I realize that men (and women) belong on ships and ships belong at sea, but those poor bastards have been jerked around for eight months.  Norfolk-Mediterranean-Caribbean-Middle East-Norfolk (?).  I've ridden my share of ships, but I've never had to put up with that. 

    Predictably, the ayatollah and his minions are threatening all kinds of dire results if the Americans dared to attack them.

"We've got nudies of Hillary Clinton and we're not afraid to use them!"

    Fun Fact:  okay, probably not fun, but a fact.  When I was in the Navy, we were told that it isn’t the Persian Gulf, after all.  Rather, it’s the “Arabian” Gulf.  This was a nod to the Saudis, so they wouldn’t be offended by “Persian” Gulf.  “Persia” being a former name of Iran.

    Pretty silly, if you ask me.  Imagine calling something which has been one name for centuries something else just because you want to tick off someone. 

Oh.  Wait.

    Fun Fact #2:  Persia was previously known as “Iran.”

    I’m not a big fan of American saber-rattling on the other side of the world.  Frankly, and this may seem heartless, what goes on in Iran is Iran’s problem, not ours.  If the United States was to swoop in like Superman everywhere there is injustice in the world, we would bleed ourselves dry.

I consider kidnapping Maduro to be different. 
Because Venezuela is in the Western Hemisphere.  And fuck you, that's why.
You know, doesn't he look like Saddam Hussein here? 
Well, except for the being dead part.

    Yes, I admit that Iran has been a very bad actor globally, but I still don’t want to put our servicemen and women in harm’s way.

    Clearly, a complicated issue which has definite pros and cons.  Still, I’m not for war over there.

    Incidentally, I would have been an isolationist in the late 1930s.

    But, and this is a very strong but, were one of our carriers (or other ships) to be attacked and, God forbid, any one of its crew killed, I would be one of the first ones to call for revenge.  I would want Tehran to disappear.

    Is that a “Wag the Dog” kind of proposition?  Is that what our government is hoping for?  Perhaps, but I would be onboard for a massive military response in any event.

It's an allusion to a movie. 
Feel free to look it up. 
No time to explain it here.

    Just, dear God, don’t let it happen.

    Oh, before I forget, up until December 7, 1941, I would have been an isolationist.  After that, you betcher ass, I would have been full-on to grind the empire into the dust of history.

Because they dared attack our boats.

    Because that’s how I roll.

    

Senor Bunny

    The two of you who read this know that I am a Conservative. I would not actively seek out those who are not Conservatives.  

Which is why awards shows (aka "Hollywood Circle Jerks") are dead forever to me. 

    However, I watched Bad Bunny's Super Bowl halftime show.  My logic is that NOBODY can tell me what or who to watch.  I prefer to make up my own mind.  Talking heads don't fill my head with opinions, thank you very much.

    That said, Senor Bunny's show was...okay.  Not my kind of music, but...okay.  He didn't wear a dress, didn't spout off about the evil El Gran Diablo Naranja ("The Great Orange Devil," I think), and didn't seem overtly political (that bit about electrical poles exploding into sparks near the end was a dig at Puerto Rico's woeful electrical power system.  That was fair.  Puerto Rico's power grid is a mess).

He did seem to have a bad case of the crabs, though

    Apparently, though, his lyrics were filthy and, if in English, would have merited a huge smackdown from the FCC. I mean, come on, children are watching!

Patriots fans, though?  Those people cuss at baptisms

.

    That would be my only complaint.  But, since I don't know Spanish...uh...well...

It's all Greek to me.

    To counter what some people consider a highly inappropriate bid by the NFL to curry favor with a niche group

The same NFL which has learned nothing from Bud Light.

Turning Point USA provided an alternative show featuring Kid Rock.  Supposedly, Mr. Rock has had some songs with questionable lyrics, as well.

But, that's okay because he blasted cases of Bud Light.
USA! USA! USA!

    Apparently, millions tuned in.  But not, as we're being told by the Left., nearly as many who watched the allegedly obscene Telemundo extravaganza during the Super Bowl (135 million...?).

    But, hear me out, what if Roger Goodell had a stroke and thought Kid Rock was the perfect choice to headline the show?  The Left then (and I hate that politics have infiltrated sports) would have had Bad Bunny, Lady Gaga, Ricky Martin, and twerking behinds hop around on another channel as an alternative. 

    I wouldn't be surprised if the numbers remained the same (or were close).

    I'd be curious just how many televisions remained tuned in to NBC, Peacock (or wherever it's shown-I can't remember) while people, gathered at Super Bowl parties, shoved their faces in bowls of onion dip or inhaled their twentieth chicken wing, all the while bitching about how awful that game was.

    People who couldn't give a rat's ass about the halftime show because....ULTIMATE NACHOS!!!! 

And it was a terrible game, too.  After all, this crazy bastard
got more yardage than the New England Patriots.

    At any rate, I hope I'm right and that this nation hasn't become so polarized that our allegedly premier sporting event hasn't transformed into an Us vs Them grudgematch.

 

Or is the Puppy Bowl, or golf, going to be my only refuges?

Huh. Imagine That.

 

"Nobody is illegal on stolen land."

"Hey, guys, hey, guys!  Forget all about this! 
Word on the street is that we can get ahold of Billie Eilish's mansion for a song. 
We just gotta beat Elizabeth Warren to the punch!"