State of the Union

    For those of you who know me, you know I am not a Liberal.  Even though I did not vote for Trump, I didn't vote for Cackle Britches, either.  I was glad she went down in defeat.  

"That's fine.  I'm used to going down."

    That said, I'm not a big fan of everything that Orange Jesus has done.  Mind you, I approve of most of his policies, though.

    The following was not written by me, but it's full of the "smartassery" for which I'm known (mostly over at Penwasser Place).  I certainly don't agree with all of the below.  But, I find ALL OF IT quite funny.  By and large, this nails the man's character.

    So, sit back and enjoy.  I just hope that you don't think he's a better writer than I.       

"Can I help you?  Losers."

Trump’s State of the Union Speech has been leaked!

My fellow Americans… wow. What a crowd. Incredible crowd. Some people are saying it’s the biggest State of the Union audience ever. Bigger than Abraham Lincoln, bigger than anybody. Twice the size of Obama’s. The ratings? Through the roof. They said it couldn’t be done, we did it anyway. We always do.

America is doing tremendously. The economy? Perfect. Absolutely perfect. So perfect economists are calling me, grown men, strong men, crying, saying, “Sir, please slow down the winning.” I said, “I can’t. The people need it.”

Gas prices? Basically free. Eggs? Beautiful eggs. Chickens have never been happier. Egg prices have dropped 500%, in some cases as much as 1,000%.

I alone solved inflation completely. Prices are so low people are being handed money at grocery stores. Cashiers saying please take it, sir, we have too much prosperity.

I’ve created 397 million jobs, maybe more. Nobody really knows because the numbers are too good.

Unemployment is now zero. Actually less than zero. Every job has been filled and some jobs have been filled two, five, ten times even. CEO’s are calling me telling me there’s nobody left to hire. We need the women to have more babies, beautiful Trump babies, for our future.

The stock market hit an all time high this morning, paused to salute me, and then went higher out of respect.

The border is so secure, migrants are even stopping to guard it themselves. They love America, and know that their kind just doesn’t belong in such a prosperous country, but they protect it because they love me. Everyone loves America again. Even countries that do not exist yet are calling to congratulate us.

World leaders call me nonstop. Yesterday a leader said “Sir, you have achieved peace everywhere.” I said I know. Even my enemies totally agree with me on everything now. Total unity. Nobody has ever united people like this. I’ve stopped a dozen wars, many say it may even be as high as 20 or 30.

Our proud boys in ICE are bringing peace and calmness to our cities like never before seen. Uniting our people and drawing crowds of, in some cases tens of thousands of supporters, cheering them on, paying tribute with signs, as they remove the criminals, thugs, rapists and drug dealers from our streets.

People come up to me and say, “Sir, how did you do it?” Very simple. Common sense. A lot of people don’t have it. Sad. But only I, alone, your favorite President could accomplish all of this.

And frankly, the fake news, terrible, vicious and nasty people, they won’t tell you this. They’re jealous. Total disaster over there. It’s a constant attack on me, your beloved President. I watched CNN last night, low ratings, very low energy. I almost felt bad. Almost.

I rebuilt the military, saved the suburbs, I also cured traffic. Nobody talks about it. Highways empty. Beautiful driving. Perfect parking everywhere. Parallel parking solved..

And next year? Even greater. I’m going to make America richer, stronger, healthier, thinner, taller, and possibly younger. Scientists are working on it. Tremendous scientists. I have the best scientists.

Thank you. God bless me and the United States of America, which, by the way, has never been better. Ever. And you owe it all to your favorite President, the greatest President in the history of our country, better than Washington and Lincoln combined, Donald J. Trump.

Sorry, not sorry. I don't care who you are, this is funny.

"GET HIM OUTTA HERE!"